Dream Updates: Decisions, decisions...

Hi everyone! Lola here!

I was supposed to make a post based on another question I received, but I've decided to post a dream update today. Stuff keeps happening and this blog helps me see things more clearly.
But I'm still accepting questions about dreams/goals, so write one down in the comments, if you have one (if you'd like tips or are just curious about something). ^^

So...

If you didn't know, my mum was in Italy for the last two weeks, and she came back last night.

This morning, I got up at 11:30am and made my way to the kitchen to make myself some coffee.
Now, my mum isn't really one to say "good morning" and talk about things calmly. Like me, she's always stressed, nervous... but more so. And it shows.

She started by saying she didn't want to argue. Then she kind of shouted the rest.
She told me nothing new, really. I'm a spoilt brat and I need to get a job to find out how tough life can really get.
I'm not saying she's wrong. I know I've been spoiled as a child and teenager. I also know that I've lead a pretty comfortable life, nearly always getting what I wanted, but also accepting when I couldn't receive something I wanted, but that was rare. That's something my dad taught me as I grew up. He might have got me lots of material, but I still grew up with limits, keeping me from being completely spoiled and thinking the world owed me everything.

Anyway, I got a bit upset after she spoke to me. Firt of all, I don't like being lectured right after I get up, I have a short temper in the morning, haha.
But there's something she said that got me confused, and then I suddenly realized something...
She told me that I had to decide, to get a Summer job and then see if I'll start studying again.
Well, that's odd. My dad said I wouldn't get another chance, and now my mum's telling me I might go back to Uni.

After a few minutes thinking this over in my room, I suddenly thought: "Hold on. This is my future. I should know if I'm ready to study again or if I want to take a job. So why am I waiting for my parents to decide for me?"
That's my problem. I'm still very dependent of my parents.
For example, while my mum was in Italy, I had her car all for myself. I decided I wanted to see a friend, but (get this) I actually asked my dad for permission to go out.
Did I mention I'm 19 years old with a driving licence and car (while she was away)?
Anyway, that shows how much I listen to my parents and take their word for gospel. I grew up like that, but this shows that I am indeed still pretty immature, as I said in a previous post, because I can't seem to take my own decisions, and wait for my parents to do that for me.

So, what am I going to do?
Well, I've got until September to decide. My mum said she's going to help me find a job, so I'll go for that, for now. If I get to start something some time in August, it might help me make up my mind. Am I up for entering adult life and do what I can with my Baccalauréat (A Levels) and three languages? Or do I prefer getting a diploma first and getting a higher quality job?
I guess the answer must be easy to see, for you. The latter would, of course, be a better solution But, what if it's just like last year? What if I just want to do something else to do with art again, during the year, and blow the whole thing?
Hah. Me and my free will. Come on, Lola. Free will is for idiots who question things too much. There's no place in this world for those people, so don't be one of them
I have to stop over-thinking. I have to stop trying to be free. I must surrender to the money system and become just another work-to-death chump.

I honestly have no idea what I want to do. Suddenly, I realize how hard it is to decide something for myself. Start working without a diploma and try my best? Or go back to University and risk blowing it again?

Let's just see how the next few days go...

Your turn to share! Have you ever had to make any hard decisions in your life? Did you regret it or not? Share your story below. :3

Thanks for reading; keep on dreaming!
~ Lola out!